508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize