I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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