i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
