A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize