I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
