my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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