Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
