I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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