it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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