Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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