He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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