I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's get the cat blown out
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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