I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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