I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
barbara walters just said penis...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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