was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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