Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
