If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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