they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
