Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
