I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
