What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
