dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
