Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
