fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
