I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
