I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize