Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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