At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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