you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i love accidental penises.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize