I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize