I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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