i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
