??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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