her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think your dad took our porno
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
