I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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