I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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