The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
