maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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