My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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