i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize