I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
