so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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