I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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