Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
