chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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