i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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