u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
