If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
