i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
