i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
this boner is exhausting
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
