Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i love accidental penises.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
