there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
