My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
