Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
