So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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