so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
