some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
