somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize