I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
