hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
