dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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