Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
