I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
