It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
