I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
even my farts smell like vagina
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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