Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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