If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
