a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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