naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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