I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
