When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
