last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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