I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
